Trying to Free Some Mental Space
Desperation soon becomes what my heart bleeds, what my mind feeds and what I need. I’ve become a fiend for something that isn’t physically addicting; rather, mentally conflicting. I’m desperate for a feeling that comes when it desires. What do they call it? Love; a feeling. What have I done to deserve this feeling of feeling less than alive? You’ve tried to help me end my life. You’ve tried to make me take a life. You’ve allowed me to feel so defeated. If rain was the sound of my pain, I would say my heart beats silent as a light mist. Summer days are no comparison of the way I feel about this thing called love. A letter? If I wrote love, it wouldn’t send a response because I’ve been looking for love for an eternity; atleast I would like to think so. Living for you, hurting for you, it is crazy what I have to go through just to allow this thing called love into my body. My heart needs this feeling, my mind wants to understand this feeling. I wish that you could rationalize with me for just one moment and give me what I deserve. The feelings in my heart are foggy, which mean they soon will fade. On the other hand, the memories in my mind are stars, appearing every night in my mind. I try to escape, but you were my escape because I had lived in your fantasy. Reality came to rescue me; unfortunately, I had been found dead in a handful of thoughts that were ever so wishful. You seemed sincere and created an image of eternity. Now it seems as though I was only caught up I your lies and you quickly murdered me. I don’t want to continue on as the victim, but you give me no choice. I’ve loved and I’ve lost. You say that it will soon get better in time. Time never heals no wounds, I heal me. No superman, no hero, I have to save me. Thought this thing called love could relate to me because we are constantly abused. Can’t be mad at love because it has been falsely accused. I don’t ask for anything because what I ask of has obviously been unreasonable, so if I can’t have what I want then what I need holds no use. In short, I don’t feel I need much. I do feel I need to search for understanding, so I ask what do you do when fair becomes you; unreasonable.